Now I Have To Be Blunt...

Being a female on online dating sites opens you up for all sorts of questions. I have compiled a list of the most common questions asked by men (and some women) of me over the years.

1. Yes, they're 100% real and definitely mine. (Yes, it's what you think)
2. I'm straight and not looking to "convert" right now. (Sorry ladies, but thank you anyways!)
3. No, I am not a "cougar". Meow.
4. No, I am NOT interested in meeting you in an hour, tonight or even tomorrow. Don't ask.
5. No, I am not a dominatrix. (WTF?)
6. I prefer men in the 38-55 age group ONLY.
7. No, I am not seeking a "boytoy" or to train anyone.
8. Yes, I am a Parrothead. Yes, I know all the songs.
9. And geez, my "Floridaflyer" handle has no sexual undertones. Really.
10. If you don't know what a Parrothead is, try the internet?
11. Yes, I am somewhat of an alpha female but always kind and respectful to everyone.
12. Yes, I really am Irish. Go figure.
13. No, I don't need to be spanked. No, I don't want to spank you either.
14. No, I won't be your tour guide when you're in town.
15. What kind of undies do I wear? (Ugh!)
16. Am I turned on by men in panties and hose? Seriously? No.
17. I don't care if your wife "misunderstands" you. Or is in prison. Or in a nursing home.
18. You want a pic of my feet? Are you kidding me?
19. No, I do not want to pretend to be your mommy. That's just wrong.
20. No, my pics were not taken during the Reagan Admin. They are all very recent. 
21. And...even if you were married and looked like Brad Pitt, I would NOT be interested for ANY reason or excuse you may provide. Got it?


Sadly, all true. No flippin' kidding.

I Wonder Why The Ratio is Ten Men To One Women?

Seriously?

Note the Confederate flag in the backgroud. Nice touch.

I think going into a convent may be more appropriate for me at this time.

Gawd help me.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith

I am not sure why all these 20-25 year old men keep contacting me. Yes, I know, they want to get laid. But why me?

You'd think that there are plenty of young women out there but what's up with a 21 year old looking at a 48 year old woman? A mommy fixation? Looking for a teacher? What?

Well...

I am not going to be someone's "teacher". Too busy for that.

I'm not a "cougar" who needs a young'un to make me feel better about myself. Flattering? Oh yes, but not something I hold in high regard.

I want someone who knows what he is doing and has the same life experiences. More so, knows that it is not all about his satisfaction. Experience is everything...

So, the interest is very nice but I'd prefer a sweet, experienced and imperfect 40-50 year old any day. 

Peace.

Here We Go Again...

Hmmm.... 

I think I caught one. Married, I think. Pretty darn sure...

I always go with my gut and ask alot of questions. I'm getting good at this -- unfortunately.

If someone posts on their online dating profile "No married/attached men", then why waste someone's time? And be flippin' dishonest?  

F*cker. (Sorry, that's the only word that fits.)

If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane. ~Jimmy Buffett

Gee, I received a ton of email about my blog posts. Wow. Oddly enough from some very nice people who encouraged me to write more. 

I am not sure that I will become a regular daily blogger but I will try to post when I can. Life is hectic for me = two states, two homes, two cars, two pets and two mortgages... and only one life to live. All good.

Someone asked me this question today: Who are you?

Answer: Just a good-hearted gal who is simply pushing her personal boundaries but wonders why she continues her membership on an online dating site. I live my life as if it were a constant adventure. Always with passion and humor. Daily education is what keeps me going. I'm always seeking to learn and be enlightened by life's experiences. I am probably someone you'd never expect to see "out there" on a dating site and doubtful if you saw me in Home Depot that I'd turn your head. That's ok. I am just a regular gal with a brain, spine, attitude and most definitely a good heart. And that's fine by me.

So, there you go.

Double WTF...

I was just contacted by a man locally who was interested in an "Adult Nursing Relationship". Huh?

You've got to be kidding me!

Now, I am the first person who tries not to judge people by their kinks but....seriously? Wow.

I think nursing a child is a beautiful thing but... a grown man?? I gotta tell you, us women sometimes feel that we "breastfeed" the world as it is but in an intimate relationship with a 40 year old man ...with a beard? I don't think so...

Xanax may be more comforting...don't you think? Try that.

Double WTF.

What's Up With Bi Chicks?

As Jerry Seinfeld once said... "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

To all those ladies out there; why do you feel the need to "convince" me that I could possibly be bisexual and not even know it?

I'm not.

I'm cool with anyone's sexuality including mine and quite open-minded about most things. But, it's just not me.

Whatever floats your boat. My boat is just fine and sailing nicely...

Fair Winds and Following Seas. (As the Navy boys say...)

Peace.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder.

OK, I can't just focus on the negative when blogging so I shall comment on 2 very nice compliments directed at me today.

"You have brass!"

I am assuming he is talking about testicles though I hope he knows I don't have mine hanging between my legs. I prefer to carry mine in my purse. Us women are much more practical.

"You look awesome for... 48."
I had to think about that one since it sounded a bit backhanded. Gosh, if I was 28, would I only look mediocre? And why does the age have to even be included? But he was sweet enough to clarify his remark so I shall view the intent instead of the words.

Yes, as brutally honest as they sound, it's all good. And I happily accept these nice compliments coming from the male gender.

Aloha.

A Giant, A Midget And A Man With A Chicken....

This sounds like the start of a joke, doesn't it?

It's not.

In a matter of 3-4 days, I've received emails from 2 men -- one was a little person (Midget) in GA and the other was a 7 ft tall man in Poland.

And they kindly included photos of their individual erections with huge smiles on their faces. How nice. My eyes!

I won't even tell you about the man who sent me a pic of him and his pet chicken.

I don't know how much more strangeness I can take.

Seriously. Is it me??

It's All About Perception...

"Moxie - the ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage."
A nice man sent me an email telling me he "liked my moxie". I've heard that word a few times over the years to describe me. But as with anyone's perception, one man's view of "moxie" is another man's "pain in the ass".

Or spunky.

Or gutsy.

Or even b*tch.

I gladly own it all. It's me.

With that said, I cannot help to think about things much more important than this site or what real courage is all about. And the true meaning of the word hero.

We lost 31 young warriors yesterday. Pray for them.
Peace.

He Doesn't Know What He Doesn't Know...

Here we go again...

I received an email from a 19 year old boy. Yes, I say boy because "man" just doesn't sound right.

HotStudxxxx, (yes, that was his handle) at the ripe old age of 19, states that I am exactly what he seeks. He is looking for an older woman to teach him "things".

Yeh, right.

I naturally responded back with a negative and needless to say, I was viewed as being "hateful" and that I "could probably not keep up with him".

Yeh, right.

A 40+ year old woman can't keep up with a 19 year old? What? Don't most teenagers last as long as a drive through at McDonalds? (It's faded out of my memory so I'm not sure.)

He just doesn't know what he doesn't know...

Someday, HotStudxxxx.

Never Ceases To Amaze Me...

It never ceases to amaze me the garbage I get in my mailbox. I got this from a 58 year old married man in the local area:

Iv been faithfully married for almost 40 years. im a retired nuclear engineer & we live comfortably. for almost my entire marriage iv tried to get my wife to get into swinging but she not only refuses we have been to therapy; almost went to divorce. but now iv deceided i want to swing with or without her. so if u would go for that lifestyle; would like to have sex many times a day; i am an expert at eating xxxxxxxxx and  im 7 inches. if i like u, i would leave my wife for u. if u would agree to live that way that means no more work just sex; u can have sex with anyone u want. also im not bad lookng am very clean, not overweight. so lets get together!

Unbelievable. 

A pig with no social skills. Or a clue.

Shoot me now.

I Could Have Written This Myself...

A great article. And well said.

How Many Dates Does It Take? By Amy Waterman

How many dates does it take to make a decision about whether or not you want to pursue a relationship?

I've always been curious about this aspect of dating, because very few women have comparable experiences. With some dates, the knowledge is immediate and instinctual. With other dates, months may pass before the endearing nature of his laugh, his smile, his character becomes apparent.

I know that I am a slow warmer. I am wary when I meet a man for the first time. I am dubious of his intentions. I read innuendo where none was intended. It takes me time to let down my guard. It's not because I'm naturally a suspicious person. It's because, in the realm of relationships, I've been burned enough by bad apples.

I'm representative of most women my age. By one's thirties, one has experienced enough bad relationships to associate the dualities of pain and pleasure with a man. One is never sure how much to trust. But this isn't natural.

Twenty years ago, I loved all boys. I played with them innocently and full-heartedly. Boys were my playmates, my cohorts in crime, and my teammates for games. I could think no evil of boys. Their strange preferences for dirt, body odor, cars, and constrictive underpants were simply idiosyncrasies of fascinating playmates. 

As I grew older, I realized that boys could no longer be trusted to play innocently with me. My first two male friends in college were cool--a jazz musician and an Apple Mac gamer--until I realized they "liked" me. I quickly dissolved the friendships. I wanted the innocent companionship and friendship of my childhood male schoolmates. I didn't realize that maturing would erase that possibility completely.

When do we women lose our innocence with men? And can we ever regain it?

In my line of work, one great danger is to take relationships and attraction too seriously. Many women feel that the potential of the man they are seeing is a matter of life or death. Instead of having fun playing with him (like a child with a favorite playmate), they evaluate his potential as a father. They situate any future relationship squarely in the realm of adulthood. The rest of their lives is at stake.

My roommate tells me that the definition of compatibility as a couple is when his or her issues are compatible with your issues. That's a pretty adult view of the situation.

I have a different view. I believe that you know a man is compatible with you if he likes to play the same "games" you like to play. Maybe you like to tease in a certain way; maybe there's a certain game in bed that you like to play. Maybe you like to go out; maybe you like to mountain bike. If he likes to enjoy himself and have fun and laugh in the same ways as you, you've found a potential soulmate.

We all knew back in childhood that there were some children that we could play with for ages, and there were others who liked games that didn't interest us. It's the same with men and women.

Yet in our attempt to find a suitable man, we often forget to look for one that we have fun with. One that makes the kinds of jokes we find funny (and laughs at our jokes). One that is up for any crazy scheme we propose. One that will make our life happy and light-hearted, not just important and successful.

Life is serious and dry enough. We don't need relationships to replicate those patterns.

Relationships should be a haven from life's dry seriousness. You should be able to feel like a child with your partner, unembarrassed at the silliest of games. Together, you will be responsible for forming a life, raising children, making a home ... but all this will only be enjoyable if you can laugh together.

I have been out on dates with many successful, intense, highly attractive men. I admire them, appreciate them, and learn much from conversations with them. These are the men who will shape the world. No woman can fail to respond to their power.

But as for myself ... in my little, humble world ... I envision my ideal future as one in which there is always laughter, in which I can return to childhood with my spouse and play those games that I didn't get to play enough before I grew "old." I want us to be able to chase one another around the room, have pillow fights, and wrestle. I want us to tease one another, share silly jokes, and dissolve the seriousness of a working day with the magical spell of humor.

So, I suppose, the answer to my question is that it takes exactly the number of dates you need to decide whether you've found a companion you can play with. Some kids find a game they can play with each other right off the bat. Other kids end up trying lopsided games that one but not the other likes until they either find a game they like in common or give up.

Trust your child-heart's instinct. Ask yourself ... if you were a kid, would you play with this guy? Or would he be one of those kids who tries to control the game, or change the rules, or cheat?

A partner who makes life more fun is a treasure indeed.

Poke My Eyes Out With Sharpened Bamboo Sticks...

Just another positive male profile online. It makes me want to run...far, far away!

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.... insert more boring lies... BLAH BLAH BLAH ... Want to meet someone who can argue well... someone with a job, their own friends, an independent personality, a reasonable credit score, at least half a brain, and a smidgeon of integrity wouldn't hurt. Must have two X chromosomes and believe strongly in smacking children early and often when they act inappropriately

A 20 Year Old??

Ugh. Immature? He doesn't even own a car!

hello honey,

my name is kevin and i am 20 years old, i hope thats not too immature for you, i love to please a woman and i love to learn new things! im very adventurous when it comes to intimacy and i love mature women

Im in the navy right now, i just arrived in norfolk virginia last week and im going to school here right now although i dont have a car i do have a nice hotel room that if you wanted we can explore the covers and maybe watch a movie and cuddle afterwards, and if you want to meet up here and have some fun i would love to have you

Cavemen Still Exist?

Here's Tony and suprisingly still single at 50:

I am an all American and my lady should be all American. Should have nice breasts and implants are great. Must like to have sex often and most of all like and love me. Backing a boat in the water is a must also driving my motor home on trips. I lke to travel to different places and events. Most ot the travel will be in the US and Canada.

Yeh, right.

And He Still Lives At Home With His Parents...

WTF??

About Me:
**Introducing the updated amusement park.. TERRYLAND! Find a ride u wanna jump on & let it take u 4 a spin - WARNING.. heavy breathing, sweating & moaning might result b4 ride has concluded as the result of being tossed around, up and down, & from behind - Short intermission will commence & then the ride will back up & running as large & as hard as b 4 - Multiple trips r gr8ly encouraged!


**So.. how horny r u? Well find out @ the "Horniness Scale"!! Just another 1 of the fun rides and attractions here @.. TERRYLAND!! HEY, any1 invited 2 Terryland get access 2 everything whenever they want it! No waiting in line, no standing in a Q mingling with other sweaty ppl & screaming kids - @ Terryland, U r always a VIP and will b treated as such!! U make the rules & u set the hours of operation - Just let your friendly (& horny) manager of operations (that would b Terry) know about your desires & he will do his best 2 accommodate your needs!

Sincerely, Terry (manager of operations @ Terryland Amusement Parks Inc., a division of the UGOT2BKIDDING Conglomerate)

GEEZ.. my third time back n here! Why do I keep coming back?? Cuz.. no gf and IT'S FREE!! Time to pull out my previous but still valid profile from b 4.. but NOW with 0.83% fresh material!! Unfortunately the other 99.17% is old, moldy & smelly!

**THANX 4 looking @ my profile.. either u r very bored or very desperate! Third time walking up & down the shores of the POF river.. During 2nd time back n here I found out some guy n AZ was using my pics!! And then I eventually left as someone who eventually became a stalker kind of chased me out of here!! Being stalked in real life isn't the same as n the movies.. cuz n the movies, it is happening 2 some1 else!! Oh.. and also back cuz my current relationship has just turned n 2 a FWB with a lot more emphasis on the B than the F.. so I want 2 get out of it pronto!!


**Just think of me as the backwards Mark Zuckerberg.. I'm NOT on Facebook.. I don't have a girl friend.. I'm not a billionaire.. & no one made a movie based on my life!!


**6'2" 200lb part Italian & Scottish.. look at my pics 4 more insight; can b very silly, usually funny, hardly serious & brimming with enthusiasm (not seen n my pics); masters degree-education; undergrad degree-deaf ed/sign language; on college tennis, football & swim teams

**still living with parents @ the moment but not in their basement.. I sleep on the same floor they do! Besides, we don't have a basement & the crawl space would b a little damp, dirty & claustrophobic.. plus not enough room 4 ALL my Star Wars action figures (don't call them DOLLS), Dungeons & Dragons gear & Star Trek Klingon outfit (just kidding about all that!)


**was a Cub & Boy Scout (Eagle & OA) & currently an Assist Scoutmaster; still love to hike, climb, fish & camp out (I make a gr8 Hobo as well as Hombre Stew Mmmm)


**my rides: '72 Dodge Dart Demon 340, '79 Dodge Li'l Red Express Truck (which I found n a barn) & '95 Harley Sportster 1200; girls HATE my car as it has NO A/C, the vinyl seats stick 2 your behind & back n the heat and, because it is chocolate brown n color with a black interior, it is a sauna n the summer!! It also gets about 15 mpg on the highway.. don't wanna know how LOW my city driving milage is, & Fred Flintstone has more braking power than my Demon's 4 wheel DRUM brakes!!! But I luv it.. have owned it for about 11 years now (taking Flintstone Vitamins helps my braking)

**went 2 undergrad college n Maryland so I do try & visit friends living n Wash DC & Baltimore - Parents have lake house out n the middle of Nowhere, West Virginia which I luv going 2 as it is on a very windy but HEATED lake, which is mostly deserted during the week days, a wonderful place 2 windsurf, fish, swim & look @ the stars!

**As 4 who I would like 2 date, like some1 who goes after what they like, who can be outspoken and honest with feelings, who is funny and doesn't mind acting foolish at times, someone who doesn't need 2 put a ton of makeup on every day (or any), who doesn't mind having messy hair - Seems like I can always find a nice looking lady but 2 find 1 who also is intelligent, interesting & fun is a lot harder - What I'm looking for n any person I want 2 spend time with is (n no particular order): intelligence, sense of humor, child-like but not childish (if you know the difference, you have it!), honesty, spontaneity, an appreciation of the absurd, loving sarcasm when appropriate - I'm looking 4 a friend who knows how 2 become the best lady I never thought possible, the 1 who reminds me what it's like 2 really b a man, someone who can challenge me, stand up 2 me & actually help me become a better person - Like 2 think I can turn a lady on & seduce her with my intelligence, humor, heart, soul & passion 4 life much more than how I look becuz looks fade & can change but the character of a person endures 4ever - If you want 2 show me what a great lady u 4, no need 2 brag or show off your clevage but show me a picture of u spending the day helping children, something that really tells me who u r as a person


**I feel the best relationships should be 100/100! 50/50 implies that there is still 50% more a person can give 2 the relationship.. prefer 4 both people 2 give their entire self, their total best effort n making the relationship work & work great. Also when n a gr8 relationship, u really shouldn't worry about if your partner is doing their fair share of the "load" because u want 2 give of yourself as much as u can n loving that person & trying to make them fulfill their highest potential.. u should want 2 do things 4 them just 4 the sake of doing them because u want 2 & value them, not 2 try & keep up with some type of cosmic balance sheet

**If I message u 1st, plz don't freak.. hopefully u will receive it n the spirit that it was sent: either u had something interesting n your profile that I wanted 2 comment on (I have a smart mouth & loaded mind that I sometimes can't contain), wanted 2 thank u 4 your service 2 our country (probably either as a teacher or n the military) or u look freakin' HOT in your pics


**2 things I have learned while being here b 4.. 1) I SUCK.. just SUCK I TELL U @ guessing a lady's age when I click on her little thumbnail pic @ the tops of profiles - I have made a game of guessing a lady's age b 4 I click on it & I am soooo wrong most of the time it I couldn't b any worse if I actually just randomly picked a # 18 thru 99.. & 2) Most of the ladies on this site r EXCELLENT LOOKING!! I guess about 77.483% of u ladies I find very awesomely yummy!! Not sure what they says about me.. either I am very easy 2 plz or I am able 2 find something appealing about how most ladies look - But looks r only a starting point, something that initially gets me interested n some1.. how u really r as a person inside truly determines how I feel about uFirst Date**Y MY PICS LOOK BAD** As already mentioned, some1 once used my pics on here so now I am paranoid & have messed them up 2 b unusable 2 others a-holes & easy 4 me 2 prove the pics r mine!! Also, cuz of that stalker, not giving away any specifics.. I live somewhere south of Richmond but 4 more specifics about myself it will b on a "need 2 know" basis!!


**A first date can b as original & interesting or as normal & boring as the person I am meeting - I know some ppl want 2 do something out of the ordinary, something thrilling on a first date so they get 2 know how adventurous I might b while others just want 2 sit & chat 2 find out if they can stand being with me more than a few seconds - Either way can work, just depends on the person I am meeting & that is the trick.. trying 2 find out what kind of 1st date that person would b most comfortable in 2 c if they might want a 2nd date with u - 1st dates r super important as those 1st impressions r lasting 1s & usually decide if a 2nd date is in the future!! Like 2 think I am flexible enough 2 go 2 any of the extremes

**Just to be clear, I CAN write/type in the most proper Queen's English, the way Shakespeare intended it to be used if I so desire. Just trying to squeeze in as much verbiage as I can into the narrow and constricting confines of this profile which is why I have resorted to using chatroomese punctuation & wording. Please forgive me for doing that as I tend to want to fill each empty space given to me with the maximum allotted wording possible as well as having an annoying tendency to be verbose.

**YES I can & usually DO wear a shirt.. but I doubt u r here 2 check out what style of shirts I wear - Hopefully what is underneath the shirts u find more interesting!! Same with my facial hair.. it comes & goes!!

**2 save time, here r some answers 2 some commonly asked ?s of me.. yes, no, perhaps, maybe, it looks bigger n person, depends on if u have had all your shots, only in Sweden, 2 ply toilet paper, & it is only a rash - Hope that helps!

**I usually favor tall redheads & brunettes who have some meat on their bones but, strangely, most of my girl friends have been short, skinny blondes - I have NO idea why this is so! I like 2 think I can find something attractive about most ladies so maybe that is it!


**Been working on writing 2 books.. 1 about teaching ASL & 1 4 kids

Is A Woman Better Than A Computer?

About me:
About my life and what I'm looking forhoping to find some one to drag me away from my computor long enough to enjoy some outdoor quilitiy time--some fresh air---lol--a chance to see life for what it is and has to offer-cuz i tell you now girls--i dont go out offten--the world has become cold and dark too me--when it comes to people--at least my computor wont cheat on me--or call me lazy cuz i work 15 hour days to make her happy for the weekend road trips or what nots-my computor wont lie to me--or steal from me-or belittle me to the point of no return--anyone out there better then my computor--YOU NEED ONLY TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!  latly--i just sit at home and play warcraft--how ever though-i do manage to go to a nascar race once and awhile-and fish from time to time--and walk the beach at night when a warcraft realm is down---lol

Oh gawd.

Bitterness is such a nice attribute in a man...

Yikes, this man is just too "glass half full" for me. How's that for honesty?

About Me:

First and foremost: If you are not mentally stable (with references to substantiate such a claim.....) then MOVE ALONG...NOTHING TO SEE HERE.....KEEP MOVING!!! If you are out playing games or are so indecisive that there is no way you know what you're looking for in a man, then please save us both the agony and good luck to you!

 The following is factual with references to substantiate MY claims as set forth:

 I am a general all around "nice guy". I am hard working, loyal and dedicated to what I put my mind to do. I am non-smoking and drug free and would request that anyone responding to this be of the same mindset.... ESPECIALLY the drug part.

Nothing on me is tattooed or pierced but there are no deductions if you are - unless 2/3 of your body is "inked" and you can hang Christmas ornaments from the various nose, ear, eyebrow, nipple, belly ring and other strategically placed (ahem) piercings you may have.

I don't wear "wife-beater" t-shirts and I won't be posting any photos of me standing in front of muddy 4x4 p/u trucks wearing NASCAR t-shirts, holding guns, fishing poles, fish, or any other furry woodland creature. I am QUITE the opposite. I am versatile enough to be as completely comfortable in a black tie setting as I am in jeans and work boots. Clothes might "make the man", but I am still the same on the inside.

And it seems somewhere along the way on these types of sites that the subject of "sex" usually comes up. So with that said - let me state very clearly that if... we would ever meet, I intend to get into your HEAD first.... WAYYY before thinking about getting into your pants. Because honestly - if your head is all jacked up, there is NOTHING under your belt loops I would have any interest in. How's THAT for brutal honestly???

So yeah - what you see is what you get. I am not looking for "someone to complete me" for that would suggest I am incomplete.... and I am FAR from "incomplete". I have dated the "Who's Who of Mental Disorders" before, and have been married once to the Spawn of Satan. I am in NO HURRY to venture down those roads again. If you are sane, gainfully employed, have a cute smile, have all your own teeth, shower daily, are height and weight proportionate, are DRAMA FREE, and appreciate being pampered but yet also know how to reciprocate it, then maybe you might send me a note.

 WARNING!!!! IF: You have emotional issues or baggage, have 4 kids from 5 different men, feel the need to drink like a fish every time you go out, can't stay off your damn cell phone the entire time you are out, drive like Mario Andretti, have had multiple speeding tickets and/or DUI's, have trouble being honest with people, and have self-image issues, or if you're just a complete "train wreck", then please pick up your parting gifts on your way out.

Photoshop Is A Wonderful Thing...

But seriously. This is scary. It's something that reminds me of "The Matrix Meets The Wizard of Oz".

Not pretty.

I'm Scared....Really Scared.

I got an email from this 44 year old man who is a BBM (big and beautiful man). His name is Ratman. Shouldn't he be called Merlin or something? Notice his nails. Oh gawd....it's getting worse. I need to move.

.

I Am Convinced That Men Over 40 Are Nuts....

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide? ~Judy Tenuta

Those words in my title ring true some days. And some days I'd rather poke my eye out with an ice pick. But as with everything else in life, it is a necessary evil -- kinda like paying taxes and having your wisdom teeth pulled. Or a lobotomy.

All my married friends ask me "Is it really that bad out there?". Good question. I answer depending on the most recent experience I've had. And of course, they live vicariously through me by hearing my dating adventures; some good, some not-so-good, some bland but more so, downright hysterical. And I've even had a few wonderful experiences with some great guys. Rare but I guess that's how it is supposed to be.

I am not on any sort of "mission" really. Just putting myself out there to cross paths with another kindred soul who can make me laugh and even love again. A good guy who has all his "baggage" stowed under the seat in front of him. Someone who makes my toes curl and my ears tingle -- at the same time. (Now, get your minds outta the gutter!)

So, there you go.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the one who'll decide where to go."  ~Dr. Seuss

“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.” ~Scott Adams

A Date To PetCo??

You got to wonder if people actually read what they write in their profile. This man suggests he wants to date an intelligent person "capable of an interesting conversation"! Wow. Gee, I am not sure I meet that criteria. Kinda condescending, isn't it? Ugh.

About Me:
Hi. I would like to date an intelligent person capable of an interesting conversation. I would like to meet someone that has interests to share, does not take themselves as seriously as Va. Beach is fake, would like to teach and learn as part of the fun of being with another.

A riding lawn mower with cup holders is a bonus.
 
First Date:
I really don't want to go on an "interview". But I would like to go to a museum, swimming or Pet

Can I Throw Up Now?

This comes from a man with a handle "Mr Handsome". I kid you not.

A poet,understanding gentleman that works hard to please his mate,Im a writer,of stories and life,I have the words of a masterpiece,the talent of a artist,the heart of a lion,the playfulness of a child,the kiss of slow song under a moon lite nite,the smile of tenderness,the vision of things to come that brands the soul,a stare that makes you feel as if God is looking upon you,a protector,a listener,a teacher,a friend,a lover....

Yak.

And Life Is Just A Fairy Tale...

About my life and what I'm looking for:
I'm a somewhat solitary soul when I'm single, but I enjoy the companionship of a relationship, as well. (Solitary = questionable)

 I have been divorced 3 times, but it's not as bad as it may sound at first, so please ask before making a snap-judgement. (Hmmm, divorced three times by the age of 40? Not bad? Wrong!)

 My ideal match should be a woman who enjoys companionship, while maintaining her own identity - she should be comfortable in her own skin and able to laugh at the silliness of Life, sometimes - someone who is Romantic, thereby being able to accept being treated as a Princess... (Sounds like he copied this off a million other profiles. And the Princess part scares me. Too "fairy tale" don't you think?)

Now, Why Would I Want To Train Anyone??

This 20 year old male, yes 20 years old,  emailed me today. Ugh, I don't want to train anyone at this stage of life. Flattered? Uhhh, no. He could be my son. Double the age, and I am good to go.

Hey there!
I think you are very beautiful and would love to spend a nice night with you! I don't have a whole lot of experience, and looking to possibly learn a few things, and always fantasized being with a beautiful older woman such as yourself! You are still young though. If you would like to chat a little, I'd be glad to! Feel free to email me, xxxxx1989 at yahoo. Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks.

If It's Not Men, It's Trying To Understand Them...

Differences Between Man and Women

If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.
The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



Thoughts for the Day

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

God made man before woman so the man would have time to think of an answer for the woman's first question.

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the World Series. ~Dave Barry

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks. ~Jean Kerr, The Snake Has All the Lines

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. ~Andy Rooney

A Bad Boy...

Alrighty now, he pretty much covered it all.

About Myself:

I AM INDEPENDENT, YET LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO ENJOY LIFE AND GROW OLD WITH. I LOVE TO LAUGH AND HAVE FUN, BEING SILLY AT TIMES AND PLAYFULNESS KEEPS US YOUNG, 
 I M A HOPELESS ROMANTIC, THAT STILL BELIEVES IN FINDING HIS BEST FRIEND AND SOULMATE.

I LOVE CUDDLING,KISSING, HOURS OF PASSIONATE LOVE MAKING, COOKING, DANCING, BEING SPONTANTEOUS, MUSIC, TRAVELING, WALKS. I BELIEVE IN LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST, HOLDINGS YOUR CAR DOOR OPEN FOR YOU, I ENJOY SPOILING THE ONE IM WITH, ( BUT BELIEVES IT WORKS BOTH WAYS ) IM VERY EASYGOING, LOYAL AND KIND TO A FAULT I BEEN TOLD. IM HOPING TO FIND SOMEONE WITH THE SAME GOALS, NEEDS AND DESIRES. I LOVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR AND GOOD CONVERSATION AND ROMANCE !!! ARE YOU OUT THERE ??? IS THIS YOU ???\
( LIARS ) KEEP AWAY ! DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH MY HEART!
 I value intellect, purposefulness, reliability, sincerity, faithfulness, kindness, tenderness, dignity, integrity, punctuality. I'm looking for a woman who knows what true love is about, a woman who would love and care who will keep her word and isn't afraid to show her feelings, romantic, who loves being surprised. Someone loving and caring, gentle and devoted, faithful and understanding. Best friend,lover,true.
 O' Yea I Love long hot wet passionate kissing, I Love spending hours just making hot passionate love. Being a good Lover to my woman is extremely important to me.

I will be your Bad Boy in the bedroom, I'm looking to Play!

If you are bored with your love and sex life, and you are looking for a very Good Friend with Benefits.
 Do you have a strong sexual longing and hunger to have the heat of hot passionate love making back into your life? I want to fulfill your deepest, darkest desires in your bedroom. I want to be your hot, passionate lover. I will be the one to unleash your fantasies beyond any of your wildest dreams in the bedroom.

 I will take you far beyond anywhere you have ever imagined with any man.  I would like to be your friend. and more.

A Sneaky One...

Ok, a nice poem. Lovely. But what do you think he has on his mind? Lots of fruits, flowers and body parts mentioned. Yeh, and he wants to go "lodge in the valley" alright. Uh huh.

My search is for a lady who is best described in the sonnet below:

  

How beautiful are thy feet in high heels, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, that support a golden towers.

Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an a valley of flowers.

Thine eyes shine like the Pacific Ocean: thy nose is like beautifully carved ivory.

Thine head upon thee is like a majestic mountain, and the hair of thine head is like a glistening sea; shining during mid-noon.

How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!

Thy stature is that of a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes that are on the vine, and the smell of thy nose is like that of fresh apples;

And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.

Come my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the valley.

Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves.

The mandrakes give a smell, and at our gates are all manner of pleasant fruits, new and old, which I have laid up for thee, O my beloved.

For desire of body, mind, and soul complete the spiritual transformation that provides the ecstasy searched of in Kama Sutra. (Ah ha...I knew it.)

And this one has not aged at all...

Well, if his profile did not say he was 46, I'd swear he was 17. And such a positive individual to boot!

About Me:
Im up for anything. my hobbies are drinking. my goal is to get wasted everyday. im unique because i just dont care. i hate all music. this sux to have to do. i dont see the point in it nor do i care to do it.

First Date:
My first date would start with dinner. then we would go for some drinks. then we might go dancing. finally im taking her home with me of course.

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions...

Ok, after a few anonymous comments about me making fun or putting down the men on my blog, I want to clarify on what my intentions are. Yes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." but I am simply presenting my views on dating and the profiles of people that contact me. Do I label these people as weird, strange or whatever? Ahhh, yes. Is my intent malicious? Absolutely not. Never.

The gist of my blog is to discuss the absurdities of dating and life. It is, what it is. My brain is oddly programed to see the humor and absurdity in everything. Just is. I've had that problem all of my life. Maybe it's my own weird Irish Catholic upbringing, don't know? Yes, I may even be weird myself. I've heard THAT a few times in my life and usually it involved a male and/or my family. Honestly, I think many men must view me as this weird, short, spunky, assertive pain in the *ss anyways so I shall join the club. So goes life.

So, I purposely do not identify these men or provide where they contact me. I am on three dating sites so it keeps identities secret. I do not want to hurt anyone nor do I want to ever be mean and malicious. Won't happen and if I do, I welcome a online spanking.
Let's face it, you gotta admit...some of these profiles are indeed strange! And now that I think about it, why in gawd's name would possess these people to contact me? That should tell you something. I am a weirdo magnet. Touche'.


Stay cool.

Slow week, thank Gawd!

We'll it's been a few days since I have posted. Nothing to report, which is a good thing for me. I need a break from all the weird things (and males) in this world. A very stressful week but it all ended on a good note. I am tired -- but for a good reason. And that's nice. Loose lips sinks ships......

Not thinking of convents, short passive-aggressive males or work for 48 whole hours. Relaxation. Biking. Pool and friends tomorrow. Lifie is good.

Speaking of passive-aggressive, here is a favorite pic of mine. Love it. I've always thought that if I really needed to do something bad to "get back" at someone, this would be hysterical to do! Enjoy.

Weirdo Magnet Is At It Again...

Well, the weirdos on Facebook have found me. A good friend of mine on FB has a male friend; who's a total stranger to me, and he viewed my profile after I posted a comment about our mutual friend's photo. He saw that I had a blog and read it. This man obviously misread my blog posting today (See WTF?) and assumed I (a female) wrote it. He then eagerly emailed me to see if we could "get together" since he's a "dominant" male himself. Oh, Lord....why me?

I am now deciding which religious order to join. I think being cloistered in a convent in some remote island will be good for me. Don't you?

WTF?

Cigars?? I'm speechless.

About Me:
I enjoy travel, exploring new places, the ocean, cultural things, dining out, and reading. More versed than average about current events, opinionated, and enjoy stimulating discourse about issues.

Kind, compassionate, intelligent, humorous, giving, loving, quiet, romantic, sensuous, and pleasant are some words that describe me.

As you may have deduced from the headline, I have some tendencies toward what may be considered an "alternate lifestyle."

But, then again, maybe there are a lot of people out there who want to role play and try something different in their private lives. I'm not sure and although I've wanted to participate, I don't really want to join a bdsm "club" and I don't know how to bring this up in conversation when trying to get to know people. Then again, I don't want to spend years building a "vanilla" relationship only to find out that my fantasies repulse my partner.

So, here I am at an online dating site putting this right out there before we even meet...I'm not certain this is a great idea yet, but we'll see.

Although I've been attracted to these types of things all my life, I'm just starting to put some effort into incorporating these elements in my life and seeking a dominant woman to mentor me. Hoping to find someone who is patient and will take things slow... Or an emerging dominant who will explore new things with me. I have a bdsm fetish as well as capnolagnia--I love watching a woman light and smoke a large gauge cigar while I am bound and gagged! Willing to learn and eager to please the right domina. Hopefully you are kind as well as cruel. Well, hopefully, you're not "really" cruel... You know what I mean.

Now, you don't have to be a cigar aficionado. In fact, you don't even have to be a smoker at all to enjoy an occasional cigar. You don't inhale cigar smoke. Please just be willing to indulge me in my fetish occasionally.

Of course, you understand that being submissive does not mean desiring to be mistreated. You respect me as a human being, as I respect you, and realize that even though I want to be slapped, have you speak assertively to me, and be made to get on my knees and lick your boots (and other things as you require which we mutually agree upon), this doesn't mean I want to be "abused" (although society at large may view these things as mistreatment on its surface). You know there's a difference between consensual torture and abuse, and you use caution to protect me and insure my safety as I trust you with my life during our intimate play time.

In public, I am a perfect gentleman toward you and no one would guess of my submissive tendencies. Maybe we'll explore some public exhibition if you like.

In day-to-day life, I treat you like the lady you are. I am not a "sissy." In fact, you would probably consider me to be a dominant personality type, but there is a part of me that finds it erotic to give you complete control and to be utterly at your mercy.

The fact that you exert control and inflict a certain amount of discomfort creates a certain tension. How you protect, respect, and care for me brings comfort and pleasure in your arms.

Getting beat up is no fun! It's the fact that you CAN torture and abuse me, yet you choose to tease me a little, show me that you have complete control, and then show me love and compassion by a tender touch or kiss, or by feeding me with my hands and feet tied, or any number of kind acts that show love and mercy. That's what brings sensual pleasure.

I don't think I'm looking for a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. Would like to have a vanilla dating relationship and role play in private once we're comfortable with each other and just see how things progress. As I am new and exploring I'm not really sure exactly what I want. Does this make sense?

Interestingly, I would not be unwilling to help you fulfill your submissive fantasies. I could play the dominant role for you to help you achieve your own fantasies in a safe, loving environment.

As someone with my own submissive fantasies, I think I might be able to uniquely understand and fulfill yours.
So, maybe even if we are both submissives, we could help each other...

It's important to understand that I'm looking for a relationship, not just a romp in the hay. I don't want to share or be shared with others. Not just looking for "casual encounters". Who knows where this could lead. I would like to be married someday.

Thank you for taking the time to read this introduction.

I Never Run Out Of Things To Post...

Profile:
I am new to the scene.
I'd like to get laid
I am unique
I like lawrence welk
There's not much more to say that describes the best way to get beach ready, Brazilian-style.

First Date: We would eat, see a movie, and then screw like banshees

Short and to the point. Lawrence Welk? Seriously?

Methinks A Root Canal Without Anesthesia Is Better...

About Me:
KnuckKnuck : Gonna whip that tail--I aint playin!!
Yo. look here ladies.. yalll say yall want a lot of things, but what I'm gonna give is what you need - alright? Yall know you need to be corrected some times and that's where I come in at.. I don't believe in abuse or nothing like that, but if you doing stuff that need correcting -- I'm a hitter, and that's all I got to say about that. The best thing about me is that every body I have dated or married were better off after they left me, kinda like a training class so they can move on and actually have a good relationship. After me, they stop whining, stop want'n to buy little crazy stuff when we short on cash, they DONT talk as much... actually they learn to respect their new man after me MUCH better; I don't trip on that--it's just the service I provide. So holla back if you ready to improve. --my motto is "Love it when you call me big poppa!" --cause when you don't I'm gonna pop you on that tail.

First Date:
My first date is always at my apartment. I just think it's important to spell out a few things before we get started -- it's amazing that we live in the information age and people still don't hear me. I talk about our finances, for instance -- I am not working right now full time, so most of my money goes to child support -- this is where I need a woman like you to kick in without all that feedback in the process. Now, I don't feel bad asking for that kind of support up front, because most of the time us men cover for yall the same way, and remember this is training for you too. Aint no room in my camp to be stuck up or cheap! "Get your head out of the clouds and your butts in the air!" Once we've got that all strait, it party time. I like throwing tailgate parties to introduce my new honey. Gonna make you proud too (all the beer is free), btw I do like my herbs. Now if you can swallow all that for a first date.. I think romance might be in the air -- same night baby.



Oh yeh...sign me up. Not.

The Convents Are Calling Me And I Think It's Time...

This man is 81 years old. Third time he has contacted me with the same form letter. Scary. Pray for me.

WOW!!! WOW!!! Hello you classy and sexy "woman". You are SO gorgeous and classy I had to contact you. I love to travel and cook and am intelligent. Just looking at your file is a great turn-on - while thinking about spoiling you. Although not local I can travel to you as frequently as you desire. I realize you are younger than me but viewing your photos and profile was such a turn-on I could not resist contacting you. Here's about me. If you would enjoy a wide range of wonderful s*xual pleasures I offer - you are a gorgeous and sexy woman!!. I don't look at my age (like you)- my friends and physician say I look and act in my 50's BUT I AM OLDER. I am looking for a LTR - someone I can't live without. I have completed and moved in to my dream house at ******** VA. It is a large 2 story colonial where I plan to throw a lot of parties - 1.5 acres - plenty of room. I can make all of your dreams/fantasies come true (both in and out of bed), with my over 10 years of experience in giving pleasure to "women" in D/S pleasures. I have been a member for over 10 years at the Black Rose club in DC. I have returned from the annual Lifestyles Conference in Las Vegas - over 2,000 couples partying for 4 days (mostly 1 on 1 s*x)- what a party! (SWINGING) ALTHOUGH YOU ARE NOT NEW, IT IS IMPORTANT for you to have a well experienced tutor to insure your pleasures and prevent bad experiences. For other fun I like jazz music, dancing, dining, tennis, cooking, comedy clubs and TRAVEL - especially on cruises. I am planning to get a large sail boat for Lake ****. I am seeking and finding all of life's pleasures - but want to share them with the right "lady" - possibly you? Professionally I am the president of a small mgt consulting corp and a non profit which has a web "www.********.org". I hope you won't reject my Ph.D. -- I still know how to have fun and please a woman. I would like to come there for us to explore the possibilities of increasing the pleasures for each other with wild ideas limited only by our imagination.. Sincerely, (1 had an article involving me IN USA TODAY Mon Sep 18-'06 p.3 -which will give you more info)

With A Man Like This...

Yes, hard to believe this man is not taken.

In His Own Words: I am not satisfied with anythng I have achieved. I regret many decisions. I am a bit self-absorbed, (Oh really?) but I am overly generous (ask my now very wealthy ex-wife; even her lawyers would agree!) to the point of near bankruptcy (my credit score as of Oct. 21 was 787, but I don't know if I can keep it. (Are you serious? Your credit score?) I have given myself 60 days to finish a book that may never get published. After that, something poetic. If you wink at me or add me to your favorites, I will certainly thoroughly review your profile. If your profile is brief or not particularly expressive, I highly recommend you send me an e-mail that describes you in greater detail and why you are interested in me.

ABOUT ME: Although I drink socially, I could easily be a non-drinker. Although I have light brown hair, early years of military conditioning has made me keep mine closely cropped. Although I may seem intimidating, I am very approachable, always polite, and unusually understanding (although not necesarily sympathetic). I am almost certainly over-educated with advanced degrees in Russian history and Law (How exciting.) which means nothing more than I can be extremely interesting, or boring, at parties. I spent many years as the director of an international defense and aerospace consulting firm and I am now fortunate enough to be an independent consultant. I get paid well to put myself in harm's way. (Sure you do.) I love my work, and suspect I am one of the best in the world at it. (There's that modesty.) I have traveled to more places on Earth than most people know exist.(Try me.) And I quickly move from accommodations at the finest hotels and palaces to cold, wet, infested mud huts and wastelands, and back again. (In your mind, maybe?) When I am not away on business, I usually work 4-6 hours a day from a home office. I like to exercise regularly; which means 150-200 miles/week on a bike usually A1A between Palm Beach and Fort Lauderdale; (Oh gawd he lives near my family!) I also spend an hour a day with a personal trainer. I consider myself romantic, poetic, philosophical, and adventurous. I am tortured by my failures, I feel unworthy of recognition and pay. (WTF?) In the odd hours, as I toil away at my biography, I cannot help but think that all of the emotion that is released in this arduous process will both kill me and make the story a bestseller, albeit posthumously.(Delusions of granduer is not a good sign.) I can only have one girlfriend; and I want only one girlfriend. Some recent memorable events that might help give you insight into how I have had fun: Riding horseback across Scotland culminating in a week at the arts/fringe festival in Edinburgh. Captaining a 50' yacht in the BVI. Riding motorcycles across the USA. Skiing the Himalayas. Aerial safaris in Kenya and Tanzania. Talking and buying my way out of a kidnapping in West Africa. (Why, of course!) Racing quads through the sand dunes of the United Arab Emirates. Playing at the Wild Wadi water park in Dubai. (Big deal, I've been there.) Hiking sections of the Great Wall of China. Spotting the elusive Marco Polo Argali in the Pamirs. (Gag)

ABOUT YOU: I am not sure who you are, but you will in many ways be my savior. (No, save us from you.) You will be moral and humble. You may drink socially, but you don't need to drink. You will be comfortable socially, but don't have to be the center of attention. You will be very attractive, yet modest. (Like you?) You are passionate. You will see me as your hero, your protector, your champion; and I will get from you comfort, peace and perhaps some pious enlightenment. (You need meds.) Through our uncompromising desire to please one another, we will be completely happy. We will not just be roommates and lovers, we will be best friends who do not want to be apart.(Control freak! Run, run away!) We will derive joy and satisfaction from the simplest touch, the remotest smile and glance, or just knowing that the other is at the end of a silent phone call.

THINGS I DON"T LIKE: People who are cruel to animals. People who don't queue. People who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". What I like to do: My work is fun, albeit sometimes rather dangerous. (Ok, James Bond) So the issue is what do I do for fun when not working. The answer is probably planning and executing romantic, playful, fun and sexy things with you! I ski in the winter. Cycle 150-200mi/week. My hot spots: Atlantic Avenue, Delray. Prime 112, Miami. Midtown Manhattan, NYC. Aspen, CO. Around Bahnhofstrasse, Zurich Shinjukyu, Tokyo, All of Paris, Hong Konga ad Kowloon. (Uh huh...)

A few of my favorite things: Sportscars Big LCD TVs Bicyles Big Swimming Pools Mark Nason Boots Sailboats Airplanes Powerful Computers A Superfast Internet Connection Watches (I don't wear one, but we will build you an excellent collection in Switzerland)

Can I yack now?

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Margaritas...

Enjoy!

I Think It Is A Full Moon This Weekend...

I don't think a profile is really needed on this one. Yes, this gentleman contacted me today. No elaboration is needed.

Which convent do you all think I need to join? Recommendations requested.

Need I Say More?

You have no idea. I couldn't make these profiles up if I tried. Here are two genuine profiles of males who've contacted me recently on an online dating site.
 I am now considering the convent again.

About Me:
My top 10 questions:
1. Cake or Death?
2. Are you a sex offender?
3. Was your last boyfriend a jerk, abusive or just no good?
4. Do you have a job?
5. Do you own lingerie?
6. Do you play video games?
7. What movie rating would your cellphone pictures be?
8. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace or 'All of the above?'
9. Are you a follower of the 3rd date rule?
10. Is it considered incest if you want a threesome with your gf's twin sister as long as they don't touch each other?

I'm not gonna spout the cliche's or the "rules of writing a successful personal ad" because I don't want someone unoriginal or shallow. So get off those horses.. yeah yeah.. I know how bareback can be "stimulating" for you women. But I digress.



It's hilarious how many of the women here are completely shallow. Seriously? You can't be cordial or friendly or even a polite response? You're not looking for intellect, charm, humor or substance... you're in the land of where you think you have golden genitals and where you wave perfume scented handkerchiefs because you think the people around you smell and completely oblivious to the fact that it's you who need to shower. Peace Out.


About Me:
I'm a big guy (5'5", 372 lbs.) who enjoys rolling in the fields, collecting pollen, and offering it by hand to the bees. Spring time is the best time to collect pollen. That is what the bees tell me. They buzz around my head. On occasion, I'll roll to the point I've wedged myself upon some lovely piece of wildlife excrement which gets trapped beneath my tin foil brain shield (the one that protects me from extraterrestrial control instructions). I solve the problem by ingesting and digesting the natural matter. It's kind of like a funky mint! Want a kiss?

This IS scary. I believe he works for NASA.. Truthfully, every personal ad wants sex of some kind, don't kid yourself into thinking you don't. (And spare me the "I've got extra batteries" rationality) You want it, admit it. You may not want a sexcentric relationship and that's where a lot of guys get lost because you've entered the realm of hand holding, cuddling, public affection and romanticism at it's highest. Everyone is tired of "games", so why must every profile include that phrase?

Yes, I Am A Weirdo Magnet.

I know, it's hard to believe. 

Well, it all started about 40 years ago when I was a young girl and asked my mother why all these strange boys were bothering me in school and in the neighborhood. Why did it seem that they always wanted to sit next to me and taunt me? I remember her looking at me squarely in the eye and saying "Sweetie, you are probably a weirdo magnet. Now, just be nice to them." Little did she know...?

So, there you have it. I can only assume I have some sort of subliminal "blinking light" sending out invites to every strange person within 50 miles to come talk to me...sit next to me or even worse, contact me on a dating site. Gawd, why me?

Well, after much thought and constant comments from my friends that I need to write a book about my dating "adventures", I decided it would be easier to share my "weirdo magnet" stories online. Eight years of on and off dating on Match.com have produced volumes of hysterical, bizarre and interesting stories about the males (and some females) that contact me on that site to meet. Fortunately, for me, I have never met most of these people and my finger usually hits the delete key rather quickly.

I am convinced that it's all payback for all those bad things I did in my previous life = Penance.

TGIF.

What Am I Doing And Who Really Cares?

Hello everyone.

After much encouragement by my friends and peers, I am throwing myself into the world of blogging. Yikes.

This will be a work in progress, most definitely. I am not sure anyone will find the words I post here interesting or even humorous but I shall throw myself into it and share a bit of my nutty life (and dating) with the masses.

Stay tuned. I hope my musings will be a source of entertainment for you 'cause Gawd only knows that I am definitely a weirdo magnet. Lots of stories...


Peace,
FloridaFlyer