Now I Have To Be Blunt...

Being a female on online dating sites opens you up for all sorts of questions. I have compiled a list of the most common questions asked by men (and some women) of me over the years.

1. Yes, they're 100% real and definitely mine. (Yes, it's what you think)
2. I'm straight and not looking to "convert" right now. (Sorry ladies, but thank you anyways!)
3. No, I am not a "cougar". Meow.
4. No, I am NOT interested in meeting you in an hour, tonight or even tomorrow. Don't ask.
5. No, I am not a dominatrix. (WTF?)
6. I prefer men in the 38-55 age group ONLY.
7. No, I am not seeking a "boytoy" or to train anyone.
8. Yes, I am a Parrothead. Yes, I know all the songs.
9. And geez, my "Floridaflyer" handle has no sexual undertones. Really.
10. If you don't know what a Parrothead is, try the internet?
11. Yes, I am somewhat of an alpha female but always kind and respectful to everyone.
12. Yes, I really am Irish. Go figure.
13. No, I don't need to be spanked. No, I don't want to spank you either.
14. No, I won't be your tour guide when you're in town.
15. What kind of undies do I wear? (Ugh!)
16. Am I turned on by men in panties and hose? Seriously? No.
17. I don't care if your wife "misunderstands" you. Or is in prison. Or in a nursing home.
18. You want a pic of my feet? Are you kidding me?
19. No, I do not want to pretend to be your mommy. That's just wrong.
20. No, my pics were not taken during the Reagan Admin. They are all very recent. 
21. And...even if you were married and looked like Brad Pitt, I would NOT be interested for ANY reason or excuse you may provide. Got it?


Sadly, all true. No flippin' kidding.

I Wonder Why The Ratio is Ten Men To One Women?

Seriously?

Note the Confederate flag in the backgroud. Nice touch.

I think going into a convent may be more appropriate for me at this time.

Gawd help me.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith

I am not sure why all these 20-25 year old men keep contacting me. Yes, I know, they want to get laid. But why me?

You'd think that there are plenty of young women out there but what's up with a 21 year old looking at a 48 year old woman? A mommy fixation? Looking for a teacher? What?

Well...

I am not going to be someone's "teacher". Too busy for that.

I'm not a "cougar" who needs a young'un to make me feel better about myself. Flattering? Oh yes, but not something I hold in high regard.

I want someone who knows what he is doing and has the same life experiences. More so, knows that it is not all about his satisfaction. Experience is everything...

So, the interest is very nice but I'd prefer a sweet, experienced and imperfect 40-50 year old any day. 

Peace.

Here We Go Again...

Hmmm.... 

I think I caught one. Married, I think. Pretty darn sure...

I always go with my gut and ask alot of questions. I'm getting good at this -- unfortunately.

If someone posts on their online dating profile "No married/attached men", then why waste someone's time? And be flippin' dishonest?  

F*cker. (Sorry, that's the only word that fits.)

If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane. ~Jimmy Buffett

Gee, I received a ton of email about my blog posts. Wow. Oddly enough from some very nice people who encouraged me to write more. 

I am not sure that I will become a regular daily blogger but I will try to post when I can. Life is hectic for me = two states, two homes, two cars, two pets and two mortgages... and only one life to live. All good.

Someone asked me this question today: Who are you?

Answer: Just a good-hearted gal who is simply pushing her personal boundaries but wonders why she continues her membership on an online dating site. I live my life as if it were a constant adventure. Always with passion and humor. Daily education is what keeps me going. I'm always seeking to learn and be enlightened by life's experiences. I am probably someone you'd never expect to see "out there" on a dating site and doubtful if you saw me in Home Depot that I'd turn your head. That's ok. I am just a regular gal with a brain, spine, attitude and most definitely a good heart. And that's fine by me.

So, there you go.

Double WTF...

I was just contacted by a man locally who was interested in an "Adult Nursing Relationship". Huh?

You've got to be kidding me!

Now, I am the first person who tries not to judge people by their kinks but....seriously? Wow.

I think nursing a child is a beautiful thing but... a grown man?? I gotta tell you, us women sometimes feel that we "breastfeed" the world as it is but in an intimate relationship with a 40 year old man ...with a beard? I don't think so...

Xanax may be more comforting...don't you think? Try that.

Double WTF.

What's Up With Bi Chicks?

As Jerry Seinfeld once said... "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

To all those ladies out there; why do you feel the need to "convince" me that I could possibly be bisexual and not even know it?

I'm not.

I'm cool with anyone's sexuality including mine and quite open-minded about most things. But, it's just not me.

Whatever floats your boat. My boat is just fine and sailing nicely...

Fair Winds and Following Seas. (As the Navy boys say...)

Peace.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder.

OK, I can't just focus on the negative when blogging so I shall comment on 2 very nice compliments directed at me today.

"You have brass!"

I am assuming he is talking about testicles though I hope he knows I don't have mine hanging between my legs. I prefer to carry mine in my purse. Us women are much more practical.

"You look awesome for... 48."
I had to think about that one since it sounded a bit backhanded. Gosh, if I was 28, would I only look mediocre? And why does the age have to even be included? But he was sweet enough to clarify his remark so I shall view the intent instead of the words.

Yes, as brutally honest as they sound, it's all good. And I happily accept these nice compliments coming from the male gender.

Aloha.

A Giant, A Midget And A Man With A Chicken....

This sounds like the start of a joke, doesn't it?

It's not.

In a matter of 3-4 days, I've received emails from 2 men -- one was a little person (Midget) in GA and the other was a 7 ft tall man in Poland.

And they kindly included photos of their individual erections with huge smiles on their faces. How nice. My eyes!

I won't even tell you about the man who sent me a pic of him and his pet chicken.

I don't know how much more strangeness I can take.

Seriously. Is it me??

It's All About Perception...

"Moxie - the ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage."
A nice man sent me an email telling me he "liked my moxie". I've heard that word a few times over the years to describe me. But as with anyone's perception, one man's view of "moxie" is another man's "pain in the ass".

Or spunky.

Or gutsy.

Or even b*tch.

I gladly own it all. It's me.

With that said, I cannot help to think about things much more important than this site or what real courage is all about. And the true meaning of the word hero.

We lost 31 young warriors yesterday. Pray for them.
Peace.

He Doesn't Know What He Doesn't Know...

Here we go again...

I received an email from a 19 year old boy. Yes, I say boy because "man" just doesn't sound right.

HotStudxxxx, (yes, that was his handle) at the ripe old age of 19, states that I am exactly what he seeks. He is looking for an older woman to teach him "things".

Yeh, right.

I naturally responded back with a negative and needless to say, I was viewed as being "hateful" and that I "could probably not keep up with him".

Yeh, right.

A 40+ year old woman can't keep up with a 19 year old? What? Don't most teenagers last as long as a drive through at McDonalds? (It's faded out of my memory so I'm not sure.)

He just doesn't know what he doesn't know...

Someday, HotStudxxxx.

Never Ceases To Amaze Me...

It never ceases to amaze me the garbage I get in my mailbox. I got this from a 58 year old married man in the local area:

Iv been faithfully married for almost 40 years. im a retired nuclear engineer & we live comfortably. for almost my entire marriage iv tried to get my wife to get into swinging but she not only refuses we have been to therapy; almost went to divorce. but now iv deceided i want to swing with or without her. so if u would go for that lifestyle; would like to have sex many times a day; i am an expert at eating xxxxxxxxx and  im 7 inches. if i like u, i would leave my wife for u. if u would agree to live that way that means no more work just sex; u can have sex with anyone u want. also im not bad lookng am very clean, not overweight. so lets get together!

Unbelievable. 

A pig with no social skills. Or a clue.

Shoot me now.

I Could Have Written This Myself...

A great article. And well said.

How Many Dates Does It Take? By Amy Waterman

How many dates does it take to make a decision about whether or not you want to pursue a relationship?

I've always been curious about this aspect of dating, because very few women have comparable experiences. With some dates, the knowledge is immediate and instinctual. With other dates, months may pass before the endearing nature of his laugh, his smile, his character becomes apparent.

I know that I am a slow warmer. I am wary when I meet a man for the first time. I am dubious of his intentions. I read innuendo where none was intended. It takes me time to let down my guard. It's not because I'm naturally a suspicious person. It's because, in the realm of relationships, I've been burned enough by bad apples.

I'm representative of most women my age. By one's thirties, one has experienced enough bad relationships to associate the dualities of pain and pleasure with a man. One is never sure how much to trust. But this isn't natural.

Twenty years ago, I loved all boys. I played with them innocently and full-heartedly. Boys were my playmates, my cohorts in crime, and my teammates for games. I could think no evil of boys. Their strange preferences for dirt, body odor, cars, and constrictive underpants were simply idiosyncrasies of fascinating playmates. 

As I grew older, I realized that boys could no longer be trusted to play innocently with me. My first two male friends in college were cool--a jazz musician and an Apple Mac gamer--until I realized they "liked" me. I quickly dissolved the friendships. I wanted the innocent companionship and friendship of my childhood male schoolmates. I didn't realize that maturing would erase that possibility completely.

When do we women lose our innocence with men? And can we ever regain it?

In my line of work, one great danger is to take relationships and attraction too seriously. Many women feel that the potential of the man they are seeing is a matter of life or death. Instead of having fun playing with him (like a child with a favorite playmate), they evaluate his potential as a father. They situate any future relationship squarely in the realm of adulthood. The rest of their lives is at stake.

My roommate tells me that the definition of compatibility as a couple is when his or her issues are compatible with your issues. That's a pretty adult view of the situation.

I have a different view. I believe that you know a man is compatible with you if he likes to play the same "games" you like to play. Maybe you like to tease in a certain way; maybe there's a certain game in bed that you like to play. Maybe you like to go out; maybe you like to mountain bike. If he likes to enjoy himself and have fun and laugh in the same ways as you, you've found a potential soulmate.

We all knew back in childhood that there were some children that we could play with for ages, and there were others who liked games that didn't interest us. It's the same with men and women.

Yet in our attempt to find a suitable man, we often forget to look for one that we have fun with. One that makes the kinds of jokes we find funny (and laughs at our jokes). One that is up for any crazy scheme we propose. One that will make our life happy and light-hearted, not just important and successful.

Life is serious and dry enough. We don't need relationships to replicate those patterns.

Relationships should be a haven from life's dry seriousness. You should be able to feel like a child with your partner, unembarrassed at the silliest of games. Together, you will be responsible for forming a life, raising children, making a home ... but all this will only be enjoyable if you can laugh together.

I have been out on dates with many successful, intense, highly attractive men. I admire them, appreciate them, and learn much from conversations with them. These are the men who will shape the world. No woman can fail to respond to their power.

But as for myself ... in my little, humble world ... I envision my ideal future as one in which there is always laughter, in which I can return to childhood with my spouse and play those games that I didn't get to play enough before I grew "old." I want us to be able to chase one another around the room, have pillow fights, and wrestle. I want us to tease one another, share silly jokes, and dissolve the seriousness of a working day with the magical spell of humor.

So, I suppose, the answer to my question is that it takes exactly the number of dates you need to decide whether you've found a companion you can play with. Some kids find a game they can play with each other right off the bat. Other kids end up trying lopsided games that one but not the other likes until they either find a game they like in common or give up.

Trust your child-heart's instinct. Ask yourself ... if you were a kid, would you play with this guy? Or would he be one of those kids who tries to control the game, or change the rules, or cheat?

A partner who makes life more fun is a treasure indeed.

Poke My Eyes Out With Sharpened Bamboo Sticks...

Just another positive male profile online. It makes me want to run...far, far away!

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.... insert more boring lies... BLAH BLAH BLAH ... Want to meet someone who can argue well... someone with a job, their own friends, an independent personality, a reasonable credit score, at least half a brain, and a smidgeon of integrity wouldn't hurt. Must have two X chromosomes and believe strongly in smacking children early and often when they act inappropriately

A 20 Year Old??

Ugh. Immature? He doesn't even own a car!

hello honey,

my name is kevin and i am 20 years old, i hope thats not too immature for you, i love to please a woman and i love to learn new things! im very adventurous when it comes to intimacy and i love mature women

Im in the navy right now, i just arrived in norfolk virginia last week and im going to school here right now although i dont have a car i do have a nice hotel room that if you wanted we can explore the covers and maybe watch a movie and cuddle afterwards, and if you want to meet up here and have some fun i would love to have you

Cavemen Still Exist?

Here's Tony and suprisingly still single at 50:

I am an all American and my lady should be all American. Should have nice breasts and implants are great. Must like to have sex often and most of all like and love me. Backing a boat in the water is a must also driving my motor home on trips. I lke to travel to different places and events. Most ot the travel will be in the US and Canada.

Yeh, right.

And He Still Lives At Home With His Parents...

WTF??

About Me:
**Introducing the updated amusement park.. TERRYLAND! Find a ride u wanna jump on & let it take u 4 a spin - WARNING.. heavy breathing, sweating & moaning might result b4 ride has concluded as the result of being tossed around, up and down, & from behind - Short intermission will commence & then the ride will back up & running as large & as hard as b 4 - Multiple trips r gr8ly encouraged!


**So.. how horny r u? Well find out @ the "Horniness Scale"!! Just another 1 of the fun rides and attractions here @.. TERRYLAND!! HEY, any1 invited 2 Terryland get access 2 everything whenever they want it! No waiting in line, no standing in a Q mingling with other sweaty ppl & screaming kids - @ Terryland, U r always a VIP and will b treated as such!! U make the rules & u set the hours of operation - Just let your friendly (& horny) manager of operations (that would b Terry) know about your desires & he will do his best 2 accommodate your needs!

Sincerely, Terry (manager of operations @ Terryland Amusement Parks Inc., a division of the UGOT2BKIDDING Conglomerate)

GEEZ.. my third time back n here! Why do I keep coming back?? Cuz.. no gf and IT'S FREE!! Time to pull out my previous but still valid profile from b 4.. but NOW with 0.83% fresh material!! Unfortunately the other 99.17% is old, moldy & smelly!

**THANX 4 looking @ my profile.. either u r very bored or very desperate! Third time walking up & down the shores of the POF river.. During 2nd time back n here I found out some guy n AZ was using my pics!! And then I eventually left as someone who eventually became a stalker kind of chased me out of here!! Being stalked in real life isn't the same as n the movies.. cuz n the movies, it is happening 2 some1 else!! Oh.. and also back cuz my current relationship has just turned n 2 a FWB with a lot more emphasis on the B than the F.. so I want 2 get out of it pronto!!


**Just think of me as the backwards Mark Zuckerberg.. I'm NOT on Facebook.. I don't have a girl friend.. I'm not a billionaire.. & no one made a movie based on my life!!


**6'2" 200lb part Italian & Scottish.. look at my pics 4 more insight; can b very silly, usually funny, hardly serious & brimming with enthusiasm (not seen n my pics); masters degree-education; undergrad degree-deaf ed/sign language; on college tennis, football & swim teams

**still living with parents @ the moment but not in their basement.. I sleep on the same floor they do! Besides, we don't have a basement & the crawl space would b a little damp, dirty & claustrophobic.. plus not enough room 4 ALL my Star Wars action figures (don't call them DOLLS), Dungeons & Dragons gear & Star Trek Klingon outfit (just kidding about all that!)


**was a Cub & Boy Scout (Eagle & OA) & currently an Assist Scoutmaster; still love to hike, climb, fish & camp out (I make a gr8 Hobo as well as Hombre Stew Mmmm)


**my rides: '72 Dodge Dart Demon 340, '79 Dodge Li'l Red Express Truck (which I found n a barn) & '95 Harley Sportster 1200; girls HATE my car as it has NO A/C, the vinyl seats stick 2 your behind & back n the heat and, because it is chocolate brown n color with a black interior, it is a sauna n the summer!! It also gets about 15 mpg on the highway.. don't wanna know how LOW my city driving milage is, & Fred Flintstone has more braking power than my Demon's 4 wheel DRUM brakes!!! But I luv it.. have owned it for about 11 years now (taking Flintstone Vitamins helps my braking)

**went 2 undergrad college n Maryland so I do try & visit friends living n Wash DC & Baltimore - Parents have lake house out n the middle of Nowhere, West Virginia which I luv going 2 as it is on a very windy but HEATED lake, which is mostly deserted during the week days, a wonderful place 2 windsurf, fish, swim & look @ the stars!

**As 4 who I would like 2 date, like some1 who goes after what they like, who can be outspoken and honest with feelings, who is funny and doesn't mind acting foolish at times, someone who doesn't need 2 put a ton of makeup on every day (or any), who doesn't mind having messy hair - Seems like I can always find a nice looking lady but 2 find 1 who also is intelligent, interesting & fun is a lot harder - What I'm looking for n any person I want 2 spend time with is (n no particular order): intelligence, sense of humor, child-like but not childish (if you know the difference, you have it!), honesty, spontaneity, an appreciation of the absurd, loving sarcasm when appropriate - I'm looking 4 a friend who knows how 2 become the best lady I never thought possible, the 1 who reminds me what it's like 2 really b a man, someone who can challenge me, stand up 2 me & actually help me become a better person - Like 2 think I can turn a lady on & seduce her with my intelligence, humor, heart, soul & passion 4 life much more than how I look becuz looks fade & can change but the character of a person endures 4ever - If you want 2 show me what a great lady u 4, no need 2 brag or show off your clevage but show me a picture of u spending the day helping children, something that really tells me who u r as a person


**I feel the best relationships should be 100/100! 50/50 implies that there is still 50% more a person can give 2 the relationship.. prefer 4 both people 2 give their entire self, their total best effort n making the relationship work & work great. Also when n a gr8 relationship, u really shouldn't worry about if your partner is doing their fair share of the "load" because u want 2 give of yourself as much as u can n loving that person & trying to make them fulfill their highest potential.. u should want 2 do things 4 them just 4 the sake of doing them because u want 2 & value them, not 2 try & keep up with some type of cosmic balance sheet

**If I message u 1st, plz don't freak.. hopefully u will receive it n the spirit that it was sent: either u had something interesting n your profile that I wanted 2 comment on (I have a smart mouth & loaded mind that I sometimes can't contain), wanted 2 thank u 4 your service 2 our country (probably either as a teacher or n the military) or u look freakin' HOT in your pics


**2 things I have learned while being here b 4.. 1) I SUCK.. just SUCK I TELL U @ guessing a lady's age when I click on her little thumbnail pic @ the tops of profiles - I have made a game of guessing a lady's age b 4 I click on it & I am soooo wrong most of the time it I couldn't b any worse if I actually just randomly picked a # 18 thru 99.. & 2) Most of the ladies on this site r EXCELLENT LOOKING!! I guess about 77.483% of u ladies I find very awesomely yummy!! Not sure what they says about me.. either I am very easy 2 plz or I am able 2 find something appealing about how most ladies look - But looks r only a starting point, something that initially gets me interested n some1.. how u really r as a person inside truly determines how I feel about uFirst Date**Y MY PICS LOOK BAD** As already mentioned, some1 once used my pics on here so now I am paranoid & have messed them up 2 b unusable 2 others a-holes & easy 4 me 2 prove the pics r mine!! Also, cuz of that stalker, not giving away any specifics.. I live somewhere south of Richmond but 4 more specifics about myself it will b on a "need 2 know" basis!!


**A first date can b as original & interesting or as normal & boring as the person I am meeting - I know some ppl want 2 do something out of the ordinary, something thrilling on a first date so they get 2 know how adventurous I might b while others just want 2 sit & chat 2 find out if they can stand being with me more than a few seconds - Either way can work, just depends on the person I am meeting & that is the trick.. trying 2 find out what kind of 1st date that person would b most comfortable in 2 c if they might want a 2nd date with u - 1st dates r super important as those 1st impressions r lasting 1s & usually decide if a 2nd date is in the future!! Like 2 think I am flexible enough 2 go 2 any of the extremes

**Just to be clear, I CAN write/type in the most proper Queen's English, the way Shakespeare intended it to be used if I so desire. Just trying to squeeze in as much verbiage as I can into the narrow and constricting confines of this profile which is why I have resorted to using chatroomese punctuation & wording. Please forgive me for doing that as I tend to want to fill each empty space given to me with the maximum allotted wording possible as well as having an annoying tendency to be verbose.

**YES I can & usually DO wear a shirt.. but I doubt u r here 2 check out what style of shirts I wear - Hopefully what is underneath the shirts u find more interesting!! Same with my facial hair.. it comes & goes!!

**2 save time, here r some answers 2 some commonly asked ?s of me.. yes, no, perhaps, maybe, it looks bigger n person, depends on if u have had all your shots, only in Sweden, 2 ply toilet paper, & it is only a rash - Hope that helps!

**I usually favor tall redheads & brunettes who have some meat on their bones but, strangely, most of my girl friends have been short, skinny blondes - I have NO idea why this is so! I like 2 think I can find something attractive about most ladies so maybe that is it!


**Been working on writing 2 books.. 1 about teaching ASL & 1 4 kids

Is A Woman Better Than A Computer?

About me:
About my life and what I'm looking forhoping to find some one to drag me away from my computor long enough to enjoy some outdoor quilitiy time--some fresh air---lol--a chance to see life for what it is and has to offer-cuz i tell you now girls--i dont go out offten--the world has become cold and dark too me--when it comes to people--at least my computor wont cheat on me--or call me lazy cuz i work 15 hour days to make her happy for the weekend road trips or what nots-my computor wont lie to me--or steal from me-or belittle me to the point of no return--anyone out there better then my computor--YOU NEED ONLY TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!  latly--i just sit at home and play warcraft--how ever though-i do manage to go to a nascar race once and awhile-and fish from time to time--and walk the beach at night when a warcraft realm is down---lol

Oh gawd.

Bitterness is such a nice attribute in a man...

Yikes, this man is just too "glass half full" for me. How's that for honesty?

About Me:

First and foremost: If you are not mentally stable (with references to substantiate such a claim.....) then MOVE ALONG...NOTHING TO SEE HERE.....KEEP MOVING!!! If you are out playing games or are so indecisive that there is no way you know what you're looking for in a man, then please save us both the agony and good luck to you!

 The following is factual with references to substantiate MY claims as set forth:

 I am a general all around "nice guy". I am hard working, loyal and dedicated to what I put my mind to do. I am non-smoking and drug free and would request that anyone responding to this be of the same mindset.... ESPECIALLY the drug part.

Nothing on me is tattooed or pierced but there are no deductions if you are - unless 2/3 of your body is "inked" and you can hang Christmas ornaments from the various nose, ear, eyebrow, nipple, belly ring and other strategically placed (ahem) piercings you may have.

I don't wear "wife-beater" t-shirts and I won't be posting any photos of me standing in front of muddy 4x4 p/u trucks wearing NASCAR t-shirts, holding guns, fishing poles, fish, or any other furry woodland creature. I am QUITE the opposite. I am versatile enough to be as completely comfortable in a black tie setting as I am in jeans and work boots. Clothes might "make the man", but I am still the same on the inside.

And it seems somewhere along the way on these types of sites that the subject of "sex" usually comes up. So with that said - let me state very clearly that if... we would ever meet, I intend to get into your HEAD first.... WAYYY before thinking about getting into your pants. Because honestly - if your head is all jacked up, there is NOTHING under your belt loops I would have any interest in. How's THAT for brutal honestly???

So yeah - what you see is what you get. I am not looking for "someone to complete me" for that would suggest I am incomplete.... and I am FAR from "incomplete". I have dated the "Who's Who of Mental Disorders" before, and have been married once to the Spawn of Satan. I am in NO HURRY to venture down those roads again. If you are sane, gainfully employed, have a cute smile, have all your own teeth, shower daily, are height and weight proportionate, are DRAMA FREE, and appreciate being pampered but yet also know how to reciprocate it, then maybe you might send me a note.

 WARNING!!!! IF: You have emotional issues or baggage, have 4 kids from 5 different men, feel the need to drink like a fish every time you go out, can't stay off your damn cell phone the entire time you are out, drive like Mario Andretti, have had multiple speeding tickets and/or DUI's, have trouble being honest with people, and have self-image issues, or if you're just a complete "train wreck", then please pick up your parting gifts on your way out.

Photoshop Is A Wonderful Thing...

But seriously. This is scary. It's something that reminds me of "The Matrix Meets The Wizard of Oz".

Not pretty.