Need I Say More?

You have no idea. I couldn't make these profiles up if I tried. Here are two genuine profiles of males who've contacted me recently on an online dating site.
 I am now considering the convent again.

About Me:
My top 10 questions:
1. Cake or Death?
2. Are you a sex offender?
3. Was your last boyfriend a jerk, abusive or just no good?
4. Do you have a job?
5. Do you own lingerie?
6. Do you play video games?
7. What movie rating would your cellphone pictures be?
8. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace or 'All of the above?'
9. Are you a follower of the 3rd date rule?
10. Is it considered incest if you want a threesome with your gf's twin sister as long as they don't touch each other?

I'm not gonna spout the cliche's or the "rules of writing a successful personal ad" because I don't want someone unoriginal or shallow. So get off those horses.. yeah yeah.. I know how bareback can be "stimulating" for you women. But I digress.



It's hilarious how many of the women here are completely shallow. Seriously? You can't be cordial or friendly or even a polite response? You're not looking for intellect, charm, humor or substance... you're in the land of where you think you have golden genitals and where you wave perfume scented handkerchiefs because you think the people around you smell and completely oblivious to the fact that it's you who need to shower. Peace Out.


About Me:
I'm a big guy (5'5", 372 lbs.) who enjoys rolling in the fields, collecting pollen, and offering it by hand to the bees. Spring time is the best time to collect pollen. That is what the bees tell me. They buzz around my head. On occasion, I'll roll to the point I've wedged myself upon some lovely piece of wildlife excrement which gets trapped beneath my tin foil brain shield (the one that protects me from extraterrestrial control instructions). I solve the problem by ingesting and digesting the natural matter. It's kind of like a funky mint! Want a kiss?

This IS scary. I believe he works for NASA.. Truthfully, every personal ad wants sex of some kind, don't kid yourself into thinking you don't. (And spare me the "I've got extra batteries" rationality) You want it, admit it. You may not want a sexcentric relationship and that's where a lot of guys get lost because you've entered the realm of hand holding, cuddling, public affection and romanticism at it's highest. Everyone is tired of "games", so why must every profile include that phrase?